Growing Old Disgracefully and Living Your Best Life

This isn't a rehearsal. We only get one shot at living our best life.

Photo by Robin Noguier on Unsplash

Hello and welcome.

First of all, thank you to the flurry of subscribers who have joined recently. I hope you enjoy being here and thank you to everybody who allows me to drop into your inbox every week. It is an honour.

I saw a video on Instagram the other day which caught my eye. A young man asked his 94-year-old gran, “What age would you like to be again?” She thought for a while before answering. ‘Thirty, thirty-five.’ Then he asked her, ‘Would you like to be that age again?’ She replied that she didn’t, because she liked being old. He asked her why. She said, “Because I can do what I want, say what I want, I don’t have to accept people in my life that I don’t want to…” The discussion continued, but it got me thinking.

The ninety-four-year-old looked amazing. She was snazzily dressed in a denim jacket bedecked with badges, she wore a funky necklace and make-up, and a cheeky grin. She sure looked comfortable in her own skin.

I met a good friend of mine for lunch this week. We hadn’t seen each other in a while and met in a smart restaurant equidistance from us both. After hugging and getting over the excitement of catching up, we settled down to a comfortable discussion over lunch about various topics: people we knew, family, etc. Sitting at one of the tables nearby, I noticed two young women. They spent the entire time on their phones. I couldn’t help thinking how sad it was that they had chosen to patronize a beautiful restaurant that we were all enjoying, but felt that their virtual connections were more important than the person sitting opposite them. I think they were friends, but regardless, even if they were sisters, colleagues or whatever, the least they could have done was to do the courtesy of at least trying to make conversation. Or does that not happen anymore? Did they have nothing to say to each other? Or did they both find it perfectly acceptable to engage with others who were not present, in that moment? And if so, what was the point of meeting up in person?

I find it rude when people constantly check their phones or, worse still, engage with others or watch videos when they are in my company. It implies that they are bored and are not giving me the courtesy of their attention. My mother would have been mortified.

The ninety-four-year-old lady in the video was born in 1929, the time of the Great Depression. It was the end of an era. The end of the Roaring Twenties after the Wall Street Crash ushered in the Great Depression. There was hardly enough food to go on the table, let alone the indulgences of today, including mobile/cell phones, electronic gadgets galore and motor cars that run on electricity. She must have seen so many changes in the nine decades that she has been on this earth. I dare say that she might not have spoken at the dinner table unless she was spoken to. I grew up in such a household. As children, my brother and I had to eat our meals quietly and be respectful to our elders. I can remember having to remain at the table until well into the afternoon one particular day because I refused to eat the food my mother had put in front of me. She made me sit in front of a cold, congealed plate of food, and eat every scrap. At the time, I remember thinking she was being cruel and unkind. Today, six decades on, I realise that she and my father worked extremely hard to put what little food they could afford on the table. To this day, I can’t waste anything on my plate unless it is inedible. If I can’t eat it all, I will refrigerate it for another meal. As the cost of food has risen exponentially over the last year or so, and the world population is still exploding, it seems a sin to waste food. Especially when millions are starving or living in poverty.

When the ninety-four-year-old lady was thirty, it would have been around the time that I was born. 1959. I have fond memories of seeing my mother wearing beautiful dresses that she had hand-made, the waist nipped in to fit her slim figure snugly. She always wore a headscarf if she went out and I can’t remember seeing anybody who was overweight. It wasn’t too long after the Second World War had ended and in some places, food was still being rationed. From austerity to prosperity in such a short space of time. When I was growing up, if I needed new shoes for school, I would get them as a birthday present. I often wore hand-me-down clothes from relatives or had to wear my brother’s cast-offs. I never questioned it. It was the way things were. When I see how some young children are showered with expensive gifts at Christmas and demand to have the latest gadgets to keep up with their peers, it makes me wonder where it will all end. What will their children demand of them?

And more importantly, will the art of conversation have died altogether? Will humans forget how to interact in person? Will we only be able to communicate via text, voice messages or video? I certainly hope not. There is nothing better than sitting with family or a group of friends and catching up with what has been going on in their lives. Especially if we are all gathered around the dinner table enjoying some good food. Friendships are so important and the day that I arrange to meet a friend and then spend the entire time looking at a screen, then that is the day I would rather not be here. On earth, living my best life. I thoroughly enjoyed catching up with my friend over lunch and enjoying the art of good conversation.

I wonder what the ninety-four-year-old lady thinks when she sees people glued to their phones. Like everything, phones have their place. I wouldn’t be without mine; it’s so much more than a phone because as we all know, it’s like having a mini-computer in your pocket with the ability to watch live TV, videos, interact on social media and a million-and-one other things. But if people are in a restaurant, enjoying a meal with a friend, a loved one, or a new hot date, I believe they should give that person the respect they deserve. Give them your undivided attention while you are in their company and enjoy a good conversation. I think the world would be a much better place if more people left their phones in their bags/pockets.

I cannot imagine what it must be like to live to the ripe old age of ninety-four. Both of my parents died in their early fifties. I am blessed to have reached 65. My younger sister is currently undergoing intensive radio and chemotherapy for cancer. She also has another tumour that needs to be removed. Whenever I can, I call her to talk. She answers when she is not too wiped out by the treatments. I will spend as much time with her as I can. The last thing I would do is visit her and then spend the whole time on my phone. Being there, in the moment, is probably the single most important thing we can all do. Enjoy every moment on this earth. That ninety-four-year-old lady will never be thirty again. Or thirty-five. None of us can go back. Every single day is precious. Live your best life. While you can. This isn’t a rehearsal. We only get one shot at living the best life that we can.

Take care,