Am I Losing my Way?

Don't let your dreams cloud your vision

Wisteria and lemon and peach coloured roses framing Mottisfont

Hello and welcome!

Tomorrow is Rosy’s Ramblings’ fourth anniversary. Happy anniversary! Thank you to each and every one of you wonderful readers who have been with me since day one. For those of you who joined along the way on this incredible journey, welcome, and I hope you enjoy my ramblings.

Recently, I have experienced some pretty tough life changes and have been battling against some complex situations that life has thrown in my way. I feel as though I have lost my way a little. But this weekend, my husband and I travelled to Hampshire to visit family. On the way, we stopped off at Mottisfont, a National Trust treasure, and it was like walking into another world. It felt calm and peaceful. Serene, even. Steeped in history of a bygone era when these beautiful, grand old houses were inhabited by families of those bygone days. When Maud Russell arrived at Mottisfont in 1934, she fell in love with it. In 1957, she gave the house and the 2080-acre estate to the National Trust. And what a gift it was. For all to enjoy for generations to come.

Mottisfont - image by the author

“Mottisfont is magnificent and romantic too. It is all stone, with rushing rivers, vast old yew trees, cedars, and lawns and a charming atmosphere of the past.”

Garden designer Norah Lindsay, 1935

Recently, I have felt as though I have been on a carousel which has been spinning faster and faster. All I have wanted is to get off. Take a breath. Slow things down. Too much was going on in my life, and I needed to take a step back. Look at things from a different perspective.

Meandering around the magnificent grounds and walled garden at Mottisfont gave me time to reflect. Time to see my life through a different lens. One that is not constantly focused on my writing. One that shows me that I need to look outwards, as well as in. I play golf, which is great. It gets me out into the wilds of nature where I often encounter pheasants, wild hare, ducks, squirrels and a dozen different species of songbirds. I also work four days a week as a Legal Secretary, which is challenging in and of itself.

And I have my writing. As many of you know, I had a cosy crime novel published in September 2024 by a traditional publisher. That publisher and I parted company in January. I was heartbroken. Now, a few months down the line, I can see light at the end of a very long, dark tunnel. Yes, I have to try and find another publisher or, better still, an agent to help me find a publisher for my novel. That in itself is very challenging. I cannot market my book because it is no longer available to buy. That breaks my heart. Especially as so many people said they couldn’t put it down, and friends and colleagues are constantly asking me when my next book is due out. I wish I could answer them because, honestly, I don’t know. I have finished writing it and am in the process of editing it, but if I can’t find another publisher, it will remain unread. Which makes me incredibly sad.

The par terre at Mottisfont alive with vibrant colour

Wandering around the magnificent grounds of Mottisfont, I realised that yes, writing is my dream. But if I am not fortunate enough to find another publisher or agent, then at least I will have had my dream come true. Albeit briefly and fleetingly. I have another option if all else fails. I will self-publish if that is my only option, because The Mysterious Disappearance of Marsha Boden received so many fantastic reviews, it deserves to be read by so many more people than it had a chance to reach. I felt as though I had the rug pulled out from under me, just as my dream was beginning to take off. Now, it has stalled. Like an engine, I must restart, fire up on all cylinders and get my book out there again. I must come out all guns blazing. I have not given up on my dream of being published again. I will do it. By hook or by crook.

Taking time away and far from the ever-spinning carousel, I was able to reflect. I have a loving, kind and supportive husband, a beautiful, caring and amazing daughter and a kind wider family, who are there for me. Not to mention my dear friends, who are such a tonic. They lift me when I’m feeling down. Thank you. You know who you are.

If I have any news, I will be sure to share it with you when the time comes. In the meantime, don’t ever let go of your dreams. But don’t let your dreams cloud your vision. There is a whole wide world out there, and a life to be lived. So go live it! Enjoy every moment.

Thank you for being here.